Can We Ever Go Back?

I was sitting with my husband at the end of the night, and I got a panicked feeling in my gut.

"Can we ever go back?" I asked.

We had just explained to our kids the idea of "unschooling," basically saying that we would be learning what we want when we want. They of course loved the idea. But even after all my research and pondering, and feeling good about taking the leap to try it out... once we truly committed to it, I panicked that I had somehow given up all authority in my house and would NEVER be able to claim it back. It felt like I had showed my whole hand and admitted that I'm not really in charge, and now I wondered for a moment, if I could ever go back to controlling them.

Here's the irony about that thought. The truth is, I was never ACTUALLY controlling my kids. I was probably sometimes trying to manipulate, bribe, strongly encourage, threaten, lecture, and other myriad of ways to feel in control and see the results that would make me feel confident in my efforts as a mom. But actually controlling them, I was not. So letting go of that illusion of control was really all I had done.

Instead, what I have come to realize over the last couple years of this life without school, is that what I was actually saying to my kids was, the only person that can decide whether or not you really learn is YOU. So your opinion about how that looks matters. And by the same token, your contributions in our home matter. How you CHOOSE to live your life and spend your days MATTERS. And I'm not controlling that anymore. I'm not making sure the things that matter to you get done. That's on YOU. I will be a resource in every way I can, but YOU make important things happen. What I had committed to was not a FREE FOR ALL in our home. It was a commitment to family councils, to family discussions, to hearing the opinions of EVERY member of the household, and making decisions TOGETHER. Which meant that, if something starts not working for me, we have a system to handle that. I don't need to be "in control" anymore because the success of our family is based on the efforts of EVERY person, not just Mom's.

THAT is what I was telling my kids a few years ago when I said we were going to unschool. And that is the life we have been joyfully creating ever since. I would NEVER want to go back!

Does this idea resonate with you? I'd love to help learning come alive for your family by creating systems that foster teamwork and passion-driven learning. Check out my coaching page to sign up for a free 15 minute consult! Make 2024 your year of change!